


Solace

by lokixjanesupportress



Series: Sunrise [2]
Category: Thor (Movies) RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-13
Updated: 2012-11-13
Packaged: 2017-11-18 14:42:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/562182
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lokixjanesupportress/pseuds/lokixjanesupportress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>While one of them had found the solace in death, the other one must seek his solace in memories. But surprisingly, none of them would ever have guessed that both ways may lead to the same conclusion…</p>
            </blockquote>





	Solace

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own the story of Thor nor any of the characters involved.
> 
> Also: Many thanks to Lady of Silentia for the language revision!
> 
> While writing this, I listened to Lord of the Rings soundtrack. And when I was re-reading and editing the first part of Thor's memory, I listened to "Concerning Hobits" and it felt so right… I think you'll understand as you read. Enjoy and let me know how you liked it!

_Sometimes I see your face,_

_The stars seem to lose their place_

_Why must I think of you?_

_Why must I?_

_Why should I?_

_Why should I cry for you?_

_Why would you want me to?_

_…_

_What would be true?_

_(Sting; Why Should I Cry for You)_

* * *

Thor pushed away the cover, turned to the side of his bed and let the tears fall on the pillow as he watched the first rays of light enter his chambers through the leak in the curtains.

_It was a dream. Just a dream._

_He's gone._

His fellow, his friend, his brother, his enemy.

_Loki._

_He's gone forever. And nothing will bring him back._

Thor buried his face into the pillow, unable to get up, unable to move. _I'll stay here a little longer. Who would mind, anyway…_

Despite all that had happened then, despite realizing what his brother had done, what he had in fact been, Thor could not stop thinking about him.

He could not forget. _What in the entire universe would make me forget after all those years?_ Hundreds of years, millennia spent together.

No, he won't forget.

And there was no hate. There was sorrow. There was emptiness. A void.

He tried to navigate his thoughts to his mortal friends, to Jane. But they were so far away. It was so long ago. He could not remember the last time he had asked Heimdall about their fate. Were they still alive at all..?

He would give everything to see her again, but at the same time he realized it would be useless. They could not grant him what he wanted. What he needed. Even if he loved them. Loved _her_. Sincerely. But they were from another world. They belonged somewhere else.

Since when? And why? Why had his life turned out to be like this? He had many people to talk to, but nobody to _listen to_. Nobody to give him the counsel he needed, no one to answer his questions anymore.

He sighed deeply and decided to explore his memories. He would go far, far into the past.

The blurred vision became slowly clearer. It was so long since he last recalled this memory. Ages ago.

 

ooOOOoo

He was sitting in a small chair and eating his lunch. No, his meal was getting cold as he watched his little brother. His ever so curious, cheerful, bright green eyes, his white skin, his dark, curly hair… He was so beautiful.

The little one was watching Frigga enthusiastically and intently as she was trying to scoop up the last bits of the puree and deliver it carefully to the baby's mouth. Thor loved to watch how his brother was cooperating. "Hmmm!" the little one smiled and clapped his hands as if congratulating himself for eating everything.

"Good boy." Said Frigga softly, handed the small bowl to the maiden, kissed the forehead of her youngest son and wiped his mouth. Then she lifted the baby up and turned to Thor. She kneeled beside him.

"Are you not hungry, child?" she asked with a caring voice.

"No." he lied.

"Please, eat just a bit more. Otherwise you'll be hungry later." And she stood up.

Thor heard his brother moan then. He turned and looked up and saw the tiny hand reaching out.

"Loki is going to sleep?" Thor asked his mother.

"Yes." She answered and took the little one's hand in hers, kissing the baby's cheek.

"But he doesn't want to." Thor insisted.

"Maybe. But he will be in a bad mood if he's not going to take a nap now." Frigga spoke softly.

"Huh."

"You know what? Just eat some more and come. We will sing the lullaby together, all right?" she offered and stroked Thor's hair.

"All right." Thor muttered as he finished eating his meal rather quickly. Frigga laughed lightly at that, turned around and walked to the next room.

Thor followed her soon. He stood beside the playpen and observed Loki. His brother did not look satisfied with what was happening, though. He cried a bit, but his sobs became quieter and quieter as Frigga and Thor sung. Finally, the baby's eyes got weary and closed.

"Sleep well, Loki." Said Thor, leaned over the side of the pen and pushed back a tress of hair from his brother's forehead.

"Come." Said Frigga and took Thor's hand in hers.

He hesitated for a moment but then he obeyed.

 

…

Thor was lying on a fur on the floor and was browsing through a picture book. But then his gaze shifted to the door. And then to his mother who was sitting in an armchair and reading a book, too.

_No._

She was not reading anymore. She had fallen asleep. And they were alone in the chamber. And that was so tempting… He stood up carefully, as quietly as he could, and walked slowly to the door. It had been left open a bit. And so he waited for a while, checking of no one was watching him, and then slipped inside.

Right upon his entering, Thor heard his brother's voice. The little one was not sleeping anymore. He was sitting and playing with the small blanket, lifting it up and above his head. Thor came closer and leaned over the pen. Loki stopped fighting with the fabric and looked up at Thor. Then he stood up, holding onto the pen to steady himself, and reached his arms out to his brother, letting out a questioning sound.

Thor did not hesitate a second and lifted his brother up and out the playpen. Most of the children around his age would not dare do this, but Thor felt strong enough to carry the baby. As soon as he placed his little brother on the ground, Loki scuttled to the door, his hands up in the air. The little boy seemed to enjoy the sound of his tiny voice that trembled with each step he took. Under different circumstances, Thor would laugh at the sight, but now he got worried that someone would hear and separate them again, so he ran quickly to his brother, passing the final distance by sliding on his knees.

"Shhh!" he whispered when he caught him. "They will hear you!"

"Huh." Loki answered as if he was perfectly aware of what his brother was talking about and pressed his tiny finger to Thor's lips.

Thor laughed silently. "Yes, that's right. Quietly, shhh!" he said as he got up and held his brother's hand. They walked to the opposite door that led to the corridor. Thor poked his head out and checked outside. No one was there.

So they stepped out and walked to the stairway. Here Thor decided to lift his brother up again. They descended the stairs slowly and clumsily, but as quietly as they could - Thor's left arm clutching Loki and the right holding onto the handrail desperately. Finally, they got out, into the gardens. It was a bright, shiny day, not cold but not too warm, either. A fresh breeze was stroking their faces.

And thus the two brothers enjoyed their walk along the colorful flower patches, trees and ponds, watching the dragonflies and hear the birds sing. Every time Loki found something interesting, they stopped to take a closer look. Thor tried to explain and talked about the nature around them, but didn't know if he was actually telling the truth.

He liked the sound of his little brother's constant babble and all the funny noises he was making. _He will start talking soon,_ he thought.

Thor enjoyed walking on the grass, feeling the blades stroking his bare feet. He let Loki walk wherever he wished; he knew that the child would not run away. He knew that his brother just wanted to observe and explore, eager to see what would come next. The baby's legs were still weak and his stride uncertain, though, so he often fell. But the grass and moss were soft, and Thor knew that nothing would happen to the little one. However, the older brother was always there to help Loki on his feet.

"No, Loki, don't! You can't eat stones." Thor reprimanded his brother as he took the wet pebble from his hand. However, Loki frowned, knitted his tiny brows together and cried, reaching out one hand and grabbing Thor's sleeve with the other. The older brother did not know what to do first, but then he got an idea. He strode to the nearest willow and tore a twig off. He removed the leaves along the twig, except at the end. He gave it to Loki. The baby took it and waved it, enjoying watching the moving leaves at the opposite end. And the crying was over. Thor took his brother's hand as they walked down a path that led them to the shore.

Loki was amazed by the sea. He had never seen it before. He scuttled along the waves, stopping here and there to pat the water with the willow twig. Suddenly there came a wave a bit higher than the previous ones and took Loki down. Thor rushed forward, then fell, water splashing all around, but got quickly up to his feet, caught his brother and pulled him out. The little one coughed and looked very startled. For a moment, like a shadow passing over his face, Loki's skin assumed a dark shade of blue, though he was not choking at all. Thor watched that for a second, and then removed the wet strands of dark hair from his brother's face and wiped his eyes and cheeks carefully. The sun looked out from behind a cloud and the blue color went away.

"It is good that it's sunny. We won't get cold." Thor said cheerfully as he stroked his brother's hair. He lifted the small child up and took him away from the sea. He sat the baby on the dry and warm sand. Then they let the sun bath them in the warming rays of light. Thor watched Loki grab fistfuls of sand and smiled as the little one watched the grains disappear between his little fingers.

Of course Loki found some pebbles and shells, however, he did not put them in his mouth ever again. Content and feeling comfortable, Thor lay on his back and turned to Loki. He played with him for a while but then, slowly but surely, his eyelids were becoming heavier and heavier and then he fell asleep...

Thor felt the sun beams tickling his face. He opened his eyes and looked around, remembering slowly where he was. He lay there unmoving for a moment until he shot up, his heart racing with fright. _Where's Loki?!_

He stood up quickly and turned around a few times. With horror spreading though his chest, Thor realized how much higher the sea was reaching now. He ran to the water, shouting his brother's name. But the flowing water masses were strong; the currents tossed him effortlessly here and there. His legs were getting weary and heavy, his voice faltered. With a huge effort, he finally managed to get out from the sea. He fell on his knees and breathed heavily. _No! Get up, now!_

He ran back, to the gardens, to the forest. He ran so fast he stumbled and fell a few times, his cold legs disobeying him. His voice was already hoarse from the crying. He'd been everywhere, but there was no one; almost like the entire Realm Eternal had been abandoned. Finally, he fell, exhausted, on the cold stones of a path leading to the Bridge.

He breathed and viewed the shimmering light; his eyes went to the great golden dome at the end. And he knew what he had to do. He gathered his last energy reserves and got up.

He ran again. It was so far, so incredibly far. His legs were burning, tripping. The sun was going down. He did not know how many times he fell and stood up again, but finally, _finally_ he reached his goal. Just a few more steps… He fell to the ground, wheezing and hissing with pain.

"Prince Thor?" asked Heimdall. His voice was deep and steady.

"Heim- dall…" Thor spoke hoarsely.

"What do you wish from me, my Prince?"

"I was with Loki…" Thor faltered, tears bursting out. He could not speak.

"I know." Heimdall answered calmly and bent down to the child lying in front of him. Thor's body was trembling and shaking with sobs. "As I know where Prince Loki is."

"Where?" Thor asked eagerly and sat up. "Please, tell me! Is he… is he…"

But suddenly a lot more stronger and deeper voice sounded from behind. "Come, child."

Thor backed off with fear. "Father…" he faltered again. Odin's features were stiff and hard as he came closer and took his son's hand. In a moment and flash of light, they were back in the castle.

Thor looked up to Odin. His father's eyes were stern. "Father, I… I…" the boy fought the sobs.

Odin looked down at his child. "What is Loki to you?" he asked strictly.

"He is… he is my little brother." Thor answered desperately, wiping his eyes with the back of his wrists.

"Is he?" Odin's voice was thundering. "Then perhaps you can also tell me what he's not?"

"He's not… He's not a toy. He's my little brother and I… if I had the chance… I would…." Thor burst into tears again. He buried his face into his father's leg, overhearing the footsteps behind him. Odin took Thor's shoulders and turned him around. "See, my child."

Thor wiped his eyes. He did not understand at first. Right before him, there was his mother, Frigga, holding Loki. "Thor." She said softly. "Did you really think we would not be able to find you? That we did not know what had happened?"

Thor's shoulders and upper lip trembled.

"Have no fear. You've punished yourself enough, don't you think, my child? Come to me…" She smiled lightly and extended her hand. As Thor ran to her, she got down to her knee and wrapped her free arm around him and held both her sons tightly. Thor sobbed, his shoulders shaking violently. He looked at Loki when he heard the baby's voice.

"Loki – I – I promise, I will never – never leave you again - I will always protect you." He vowed as he pulled his brother's head closer and kissed his forehead.

 

ooOOOoo

Thor stirred and shook when he left the land of his memories. He was confused. He had hoped it would help him, but instead the opposite was true. Another tear fell.

"I'm so sorry, Loki… For breaking that promise. I have left you alone, after all." He whispered tightly. "I let you become too distant. And I have never really known you. But I _want_ to know who you are. I would give anything, _anything_ … Anything that would keep you here. I can't - " his throat constricted.

"What?" A soft voice spoke.

Thor looked up. There was someone sitting cross-legged on the floor, right beside the bed. He couldn't see the person clearly through the curtain of tears. But then the image cleared.

And he saw _him_.

Loki sat there. Smiling. His eyes were questioning, curious.

Thor reached out and touched his brother's face. His skin was soft and cold.

The younger man laughed lightly. "Thor, what are you doing?"

"This is just a dream. As before." Thor replied absentmindedly.

"No. I am real this time. You can trust me..." Loki smirked. "This time."

Thor breathed. "How?"

"I fell. I wanted to." Loki sighed and looked away. "But I did not die, as much as I wanted to. So I decided to return... I've been watching you for some time." He replied, viewing his brother sideways.

"Watching? How – how long have you been here, back in Asgard?" Thor sat up, tilting his head.

"It's been a while." Loki looked down again.

Thor snorted. "What? Why didn't you let me know?"

"And how could I?" Loki's green eyes shot up and met his brother's. "What do you think would have happened? Would Odin have all the people of Asgard standing before the Bridge, hailing his treacherous, wicked son?" Loki frowned, turning his head to the window. A moment of silence passed.

"No." Thor replied silently. Then he laid a questioning stare upon his brother again. "And may I inquire as to why you showed yourself now?"

"Hm…" Loki grinned, still watching the curtains. "I actually enjoyed not being noticed. It was kind of… Interesting. But now… I'm afraid your grief just..." he shrugged helplessly, "...summoned me. You must always ruin all the fun, do you?" Finally, he looked back at Thor.

The older brother frowned. "Loki, this is not - "

"Shhh!" Loki stopped him, bringing his finger to his lips. "I have an important question."

"Yes?" Thor asked cuatiously.

"Why? Why all these memories, why all the tears? I don't understand. I took your happiness from you. I took _her_ from you. I tried to kill you. Yet, you… I just can't comprehend it, and it's driving me insane. I need to know _why._ "

"Hm." Thor looked down, smiling and rubbing his fingers. "You'd never have guessed."

"What?" Loki nearly hissed, getting up slightly, his arms leaning against the bed, his face inches from Thor's. Loki searched his brother's eyes, confused.

"Because you're my little brother. You've always been." Thor replied, looking Loki firmly in the eye.

It was more a laugh than a breath Loki let out, bowing his head. "Stop it please. It's pathetic."

"No, it's not. I mean it." Thor insisted.

Loki's eyes shot up again; he breathed out menacingly as his hand suddenly caught Thor's jaw, the fingernails digging in Thor's cheek.

"I'm not your brother!" Loki hissed coldly, his voice changing into something monstrous. "Just look at me, look at this – " Loki's face hardened as a shadow passed it, leaving his skin a deep shade of blue. The green of his eyes turned blood-red. "Tell me now, do you like what you see? Would you ever call _this_ your brother? Your sweet, little brother?! Tell me!"

Thor's hand was suddenly on his brother's ice-cold wrist. He did not flinch, he did not evade the flaming green stare. He just squeezed Loki's wrist firmly and pulled it away from his face. Loki's nails left four bloody traces on Thor's cheek.

"Be whatever you want. But be aware that nothing is ever going to change my mind." Thor stated firmly as he shoved Loki back.

Loki was watching Thor with anger and rage, breathing quickly. His skin was still blue, however, the color of his eyes slowly began to change to green again.

Thor laughed, locking his gaze with his brother. Then he sighed heavily. "Would you please open the curtains?" he asked Loki. After some hesitation, Loki stood up slowly, took a few steps to the window and did what he was asked for. His skin assumed its usual shade of pale white when the sun beams lit his delicate face. He folded his arms in front of him as he looked out the window, saying nothing. After a long while, he bowed his head, his eyes closed. Thor stood beside him. "You're a part of my life, Loki. And nothing will change it."

But Loki remained still, unmoving.

"I want you to know that I still intend to keep that promise." Thor began. "I will never leave you again. I've learned what I value the most in my life. And I won't allow it to be lost ever again."

Loki sighed, too. Quietly. "Now you speak as the silly oaf you have always been."

"I'm not that oaf any longer. I thought you would notice, cow." Thor lifted a brow, watching his brother sideways.

As soon as Loki cracked a smile, Thor reached out his huge arms and wrapped them around his brother's head and shoulders. But the latter apparently did not expect such a reaction. His body gave in under Thor's weight and they both fell, guffawing.

"Thor, let go of me!" Loki demanded at last.

"I just promised I won't."

"I can't breathe…" Loki faltered, still chuckling.

"Stupid excuses."

"Thor, honestly…" Loki exclaimed when he gathered all his strength and pushed Thor away, turning him on his back. However, Thor's right arm remained wrapped around Loki's neck. After a while, Thor pulled his brother closer. Loki obeyed the silent command and rested his head on Thor's shoulder.

Their chuckles slowly faded away and silence settled around.

"Where have you been all this time? Before you returned?" Thor asked then.

Loki hesitated. "Midgard." He revealed then and felt his brother's muscles tighten.

"Did you…"

Loki knew what Thor was going to ask him. "I've met her. Talked to her many times."

"What? Then… can you bring her here?" Thor moved suddenly, propped himself on his elbow and looked down into Loki's eyes.

"No." Loki answered quietly.

"Why?"

Silence.

Loki looked away.

"I see." Thor spoke again.

"She does not belong here." Loki whispered.

"As we do not belong there." Thor answered.

Then Loki turned to face Thor. His eyes gleamed before he buried his face into his brother's chest.

* * *

_May it be the shadows call_

_Will fly away_

_May it be you journey on_

_To light the day_

_When the night is overcome_

_You may rise to find the sun_

_(Enya; May It Be)_


End file.
